Banned Substance List

Most of you who know me know how I loathe our children possessing gum. All fellow graduates of the Mean Mom School will concur. If I see it, it goes straight into the garbage can. On Halloween, I weed through the bags and send all I can find to the Exs' houses.

I am very much in favor of the United States joining Singapore and making gum illegal. I have cleaned it out of my dryer and off our wood floor. I have cut it out of carpet and hair. I have scraped it off the walk and off the bottoms of children's shoes.

Gum is not the only substance that has damaged our property.

My loving sister saw fit to gift a couple of my children with plastic cylinders of slime for Christmas. One blue and one pink. And these are not preschool aged children mind you. One is 9 the other is 11.

The pink one is already dried into my 9 year old's cream colored carpet. The blue one came through with my 11 year old's laundry in a Sesame Street towel. It hardened like cement in the dryer.

Farting goop is being added to the list of banned substances at our house. Gum and silly putty are already on the list. If you give any of these items to our children, be forewarned that they will be in the trash can before your car leaves my driveway.