(An old pastor of mine used this story at least twice that I know of. I couldn't find it exactly the way he read it and have no idea who this is originally from but I love it.)
There was a man who fell into a very deep pit.
A Hindu said, “You deserve to end up in a pit for your past life.”
Confucius said, “If you had listened to me, you would not be in a pit.”
A Christian scientist said to the man, “You only think you’re in a pit.”
Buddha said, “Your pit is only a state-of-mind.”
A geologist said, “Appreciate the rock strata of the pit.”
An evolutionist said, “You are a rejected mutant destined to be removed from the evolutionary cycle, which means you will die in that pit without producing any pit falling offspring.”
A construction inspector came by and said, “Brother, you got a permit for that pit?”
A self-pitying person said, “You haven’t seen anything ‘til you’ve seen my pit.”
A positive confessor said, “Just say this over and over again: ‘I am not in a pit. I am not in a pit.’”
An optimist said, “Things could be worse.”
A pessimist said, “Things will get worse.”
A follower of Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.